ijebuman's diary

Ok so i took a "short" break from blogging at the end of last year and it turned out to be an extended break : - ). I'm not promising that i'm back to blogging full time but i will try not to stay away for too long. I might have been away from my blog but i still lurk around some of my favourite blogs - chxta, Akin, naijablog, nigerian curiousity et al, kudos to you guys for hanging in there unlike me lol..

I just returned from a trip to Naija (that’s a topic for another blog post), and one of the things i noticed while i was there is how much religion has completely taken hold of our way of life.

It's not even funny anymore, the way things are going in Naija, another couple of decades and our traditional culture and way of life will have been completely swallowed up by the current madness parading itself as "religion". From the resident electoral commissioner in Ekiti state to our Information minister, no Nigerian is immune to this 'madness'.

It has got to the level where people have started changing their traditional names to more "religious friendly names" (e.g Fayemi to Oluwayemi).

Rant over..

Anyway on a lighter note, this dropped into my mail box the other day, enjoy.. (thanks to whoever compiled it)

Top ten Nigerian "Pentecostal" sayings

10. "We must pray and fast" (In Yoruba, "e kun fun aduaa").

Commonly used in times of tribulation such as Police/EFCC cases, looking for a husband or applying for a UK or US visa.

9. "This is my year of breakthrough" A new year's eve special.

The ready-made lazy man's annual prayer whether or not he has put in an honest day's work the year before, and a popular headline at most money spinning end-of-year religious crusades.

8. "I thank God for your life"

Usually an acknowledgement or appreciation of a benefactor but you scratch your head to find a real meaning to this one. People just drop it anyhow, eg. "I saw Pastor Kososhi drive past me in his Hummer yesterday on Allen Avenue", Reply: "Oh, I thank God for his life".

7. "...but he's a Man of God"As in the old 'over-the-hill'

Brother Jero Pastor who doesn't know how to toast women but secretly lusts after your wife/girlfriend in church. These are the "close your eyes, let us pray" guys who's always around to help or advice, waiting and hoping to take advantage of any misfortune to console his way into your woman's life.

6. "J.E.S.U.S."

Now very popular at Christian weddings across Nigeria as the newly-wed couple cut their cake. This has taken over from the evergreen "3,2,1...". Speaking of weddings, some wack MCs now blackmail the wedding guests by saying "If you want to live to see the new year, let me see your hands up", thus punishing them for not laughing at his dry jokes. Fear has become our God.

5. "I bind you..." (AKA "Holy Ghost Fire! Fire!! Fire!!!")

As in, put a curse on you, or threaten you with the wrath of God if you're deemed to be disturbing them for whatever reason. For example, against jobless guys who are proposing marriage, or the Landlord who has come to collect the rent after 8 months!

4. "The Devil is a liar!"

Often used right after surviving a ghastly auto accident, general misfortune, tripping over your children's toys or mistakenly dripping pepper soup on your favourite pink T.M. Lewin shirt!

3. "In the name of Jesus..."

Also abbreviated on Facebook as "IJN" or for maximum effect "in the MIGHTY name of Jesus!". Favourite end-of-sentence soundbite for most Prosperity Pastors on television.

2. "To God be the glory"

The last line of 99.9% of Nollywood films, and fast rising closing remarks at government / corporate seminars (usually just before they share the 'gbemu' in Ghana-must-go bags)

1. "It is well"

Self explanatory enough. Classic soundbite even if it is VERY OBVIOUS that it is not well.

And don't forget "It is not my portion" and "No weapon fashioned against me shall prosper"

Labels: Random Musings, religion

posted by ijebuman # 1:06 PM (13) comments

Wednesday, January 07, 2009

I'll Be Back

I know I've been away for a while, there's just been loads of stuff happening offline, but in the words of Arnie, i'll be back (very soon).

N.B and a special thanks to the Anonymous idiot posting spam on the comment pages of my blog while i was away, i felt so special knowing i had so many comments on my blog...

posted by ijebuman # 10:25 PM (5) comments

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

You gotta laugh..

The political party everyone loves to hate, the British Nationalist Party (BNP) had its entire membership list published online.

According to the Times

"There was panic at the centre of the British National Party tonight after it emerged that its entire membership list had been published on the internet.The names, addresses and telephone numbers of more than 10,000 current and former members were published on a specially created web page.

Along with the names and personal details, the professions of many of the members have been made public including teachers, scientists, a government employee and at least one serving police officer.

One police woman on the list, whose entry included a note asking for discretion, faces potential dismissal since officers are proscribed from joining the right-wing political party."

For those who don't know about the BNP, it's a bit like the Ku Klux Klan without the lynching : - )

I for one am pleased that the membership of the BNP is now in the public domain, I guess a lot of people will be changing phone numbers and addresses, who knows this might actually kick start the moribund housing market.

The web page has now been removed but if you're curious like me, then pop over to Wikileaks and have a peek and yes i searched to find out if anyone on my street was a member : - )

Labels: BNP, comical news stories, Karma

posted by ijebuman # 11:53 PM (12) comments

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Re: Saving Africa's Witch Children

http://www.justgiving.com/witchchildren

http://www.steppingstonesnigeria.org/contactus

The greatest tragedy facing Nigeria today is our indifference to the abuse of the most vulnerable members of our society - children. We can all play our part by supporting Stepping Stones Nigeria 'to carry out enlightenment and advocacy projects throughout the region, so that a long-term solution to the child 'witch' crisis may be found'.

Labels: Outrage, religion, witchcraft

posted by ijebuman # 9:13 PM (27) comments

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

The Evil that Preachers do

The 'Extremely Evil' Helen Ukpabio

In some of the poorest parts of Nigeria, where evangelical religious fervour is combined with a belief in sorcery and black magic, many thousands of children are being blamed for catastrophes, death and famine - and branded witches by powerful pastors. These children are then abandoned, tortured, starved and murdered - all in the name of Jesus Christ.

Influential preachers from the more extreme churches brand the children witches or wizards and exploit their desperate parents by charging them exorbitant amounts of money in return for exorcising the spirits.
The film features extraordinary access to some of the preachers who openly discuss their work. One preacher who calls himself 'The Bishop,' says he has made a fortune by carrying out 'deliverances' on children. He admits having killed 110 people in the past. Dispatches films him as he administers a mixture of pure alcohol, a substance known as 'African mercury' and his own blood to one child accused of witchcraft.

Dispatches
http://www.channel4.com/news/articles/dispatches/saving+africas+witch+children/2780062

Labels: Disgust, Outrage, religion, witchcraft

posted by ijebuman # 10:24 PM (3) comments

Saturday, November 08, 2008

Back to Reality..

Ok that's it, my Obama moment has been bought back to reality, i thought it was a joke but then i saw the article, "Obama's election and the needed change, by Obasanjo"

Aaagh!!! do our leaders have no shame, it's bad enough that the president of Kenya declared a holiday for Obama for winning a free and fair election in America, an election which he could never have won as a Luo man in Kenya. It's not yet a year since Kibaki plunged his country into ethnic violence for refusing to step down after "losing" an election to another Luo man. The selective amnesia (or is it denial) of African leaders boggles the mind. No wonder the whole continent is trapped in a vortex of endless political violence and ethnic strife.

But i digress, According to Obasanjo,
"Obama represents an ability to move from realms of dream to reality. He represents Hope for the global minorities who are being or feel oppressed by the majority."
{SNIP}
"Part of his hopes and dreams is to facilitate the emergence of a post racial America. I believe embedded in that will be a pointer for divided countries to create the needed golden bridges across traditional divides and gaps of tribal bigotry, ethnic chauvinism, religious allegiance and other primordial considerations. It is a signal to us that we can gradually begin the movement towards an Africa that accepts everyone for what and who he or she is."
{SNIP}
"People should be seen, accepted, judged and placed for what they are and what God has endowed them with. Those who preach the sermon of superiority of Intelligence Quotient or simple intellect based on colour, race, tribe or language must start to review and indeed change their sermon."

So Obasanjo likes beta thing (as my peeps will say in pidgin), yet at no time in the many years he ruled Nigeria did he bring about the political renewal that our nation desperately needs. During his 8 year rule, he encouraged and promoted the likes of Adedibu and Chris Uba, people who were prepared to use violence and intimidation to "win" elections.

Obama's victory in America could be compared to the June 12 election when Nigerians of different ethnic and religious background voted for MKO Abiola in a free and fair election that has yet to be repeated in Naija. Obj was among the powerful minority that supported the annulment of that election, in the heat of the June 12 crises, he had gone to South Africa to announce that "Abiola is not the messiah we seek". I'm sure many Americans (especially of the redneck variety) will say Obama is not the messiah they seek, but he won the election and thats all that matters.

It's a shame that the irony of it all is lost on Obasanjo or whoever he employed to write this piece of garbage. I'm not a religious person, but i surely hope there's a God out there, that will strike the likes of Obasanjo, Kibaki, Mugabe and the other despotic African leaders that have denied their people political freedom and yet want to associate with the historical victory of Obama.

Labels: obama, Obasanjo, politics

posted by ijebuman # 11:24 AM (1) comments

Thursday, November 06, 2008

Young, Gifted and Black

"Young, Gifted and Black, We must begin to tell our young, There's a world waiting for you, This is a quest that's just begun..."

Yesterday's historical event bought back memories of one of my father's favourite songs "Young, Gifted and Black". It was recorded by Bob & Marcia and reached number 5 in the UK charts in 1970. (The song was originally recorded by Nina Simone)

It's a song that has inspired me over the years and with Obama overcoming all the odds to become the US President, I feel this song captures the essence of this moment.

To be young, gifted and black,
Oh what a lovely precious dream
To be young, gifted and black,
Open your heart to what I mean

In the whole world you know
There are billion boys and girls
Who are young, gifted and black,
And that's a fact!

Young, gifted and black
We must begin to tell our young
There's a world waiting for you
This is a quest thats just begun

When you feel really low
Yeah, there's a great truth you should know
When youre young, gifted and black
Your souls intact

Young, gifted and black
How I long to know the truth
There are times when I look back
And I am haunted by my youth

Oh but my joy of today
Is that we can all be proud to say
To be young, gifted and black
Is where its at

(1969) Nina Simone, Weldon Irvine jr

Labels: inspiration, obama

posted by ijebuman # 1:45 PM (0) comments

Wednesday, November 05, 2008

There's a Black Family at 1600 Pennsylvania..

The Obama's New Residence

"No army can stop an idea whose time has come.” - Victor Hugo

Labels: America, obama

posted by ijebuman # 2:16 AM (2) comments

Monday, November 03, 2008

One down, one more to go...

People in the UK will understand what i mean, Lewis Hamilton became the youngest (and only black) Formula 1 champion in history yesterday, the one more to go is of course the US elections tomorrow, where if all goes according to the opinion polls, Barack Obama will become the next US president.

Now, i was very late to the Obama party, i never thought he stood a chance.. but hey, i'm now a believer and i apologise to my fellow blogger Omoluwabi OkeBadan for my cynical responses to his many posts on Obama (you were right all along, my Brother)

People sit back and enjoy the show, history is about to be made.

It's time...

Labels: America, obama

posted by ijebuman # 12:00 PM (2) comments

Saturday, November 01, 2008

Freedom Now!!

Labels: Outrage

posted by ijebuman # 9:38 AM (1) comments

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Things are that bad...

To all my peeps out there, hang in there remember if it doesn't kill you, it just means your creditors can still find you.
My peeps when oyibo man starts panicking and running around like headless chicken, there's some serious alarm about to blow, that is why i'm wondering why my peeps are still organising owambe parties as if nothing dey happen..
I was talking to someone the other day asking how she was coping with the credit crunch, she said "credit crunch is not my potion in Jesus name" ok o i replied, 'when you return from lala land please give me a call..'

Meanwhile i've told Mrs Ijebuman to do a quick inventory of all our movable assets as we may need to make a quick dash to Naija if things get really bad, I'll miss Ijebuman's mansions but lets face it, I was only the caretaker, it was always owned by the mortgage company. When the going gets tough, the tough pack up and move back to where they came from, the Polish are already doing it lol.

On a serious note, we all need to be smart to ride this one out, there's so much uncertainty out there, no job is secure..

Labels: credit crunch

posted by ijebuman # 1:37 PM (7) comments

Wednesday, October 01, 2008

17532 days later

"There is no threat to unity at all. We solved that problem a long time ago" - Tafawa Balewa (Oct 1960)

The Free Giant
published in Time magazine on Monday, Oct. 10, 1960

In sweltering Lagos one night last week, throngs surged toward the gaily decorated race track, where bands played and dancers swayed. Precisely at midnight, a mighty roar went up as a green-white-green flag was hauled aloft to replace the Union Jack. With that, Nigeria, Africa's most populous nation (36 million), became independent and took its place in the councils of the world. Solemnly, 40,-ooo voices rose in the new official anthem:

"Nigeria we hail thee,/ Our own dear native land,/ Though tribe and tongue may differ,/ In brotherhood we stand."

Matter of Persuasion. Brotherhood is perhaps too strong a term yet in a land made up of 250 bickering tribal groups speaking as many languages, with little in common but mutual suspicion and jealousy. But it is an achievement in itself that a unified Nigeria is getting its independence and seems ready for it. Only a decade ago, a rising young politician from the north named Abubakar Tafawa Balewa was threatening a Moslem holy war against the southerners rather than join them in one independent nation. "There is no basis for Nigerian unity," he sniffed. "It is only a British intention for our country."

Today. Alhaji Sir Abubakar Tafawa Balewa, O.B.E., K.B.E., is federal Nigeria's first Prime Minister, who now says, "There is no threat to unity at all. We solved that problem a long time ago." His words are echoed by every important politician, giving the lie to the theory that backward African nations inevitably must suffer the chaos of a Congo when the blacks take over.

The British began training the Nigerians in local self-government almost as soon as they pulled the scattered, warring millions into one big (339,169 sq. mi.) colony called Nigeria in 1914. As far back as 18 years ago, Nigerians were admitted to the Governor's Cabinet. As a result of their wise stewardship, Britain has won a fervent friend and a loyal new partner for the Commonwealth. Last week thousands cheered vivacious Princess Alexandra, cousin of Queen Elizabeth, as she flew in from London to represent the royal family at the celebrations. Even that old nationalist warhorse, Dr. Nnamde ("Zik") Azikiwe, 55, who cursed Britain for years in his personal campaign for Nigerian independence, proclaimed that "we give credit to Britain for an imperishable legacy of the rule of law and legacy of respect for human dignity and freedom." U.S.-educated Zik, of all people, is to be the Queen's personal representative as the nation's first Nigerian Governor General.

Palm Oil & Slaves. A steaming chunk of West Africa, Nigeria's topography ranges from mangrove thickets, lagoons and rain forests in the south to lofty plateaus and arid plains in the north. Leader of the north's Moslems is proud, turbaned Sir Ahmadu Bello, whose religious title is the Sardauna of Sokoto. Eight years ago the Sardauna sent able Abubakar to Lagos as his agent because the Sardauna himself felt he had more important things to do at home among the Hausa and Fulani tribesmen. Only its huge (18 million) population and sprawling area (three-fourths of the country) provide the relatively backward north with its titular balance of power in Nigeria's loose federation over the two big tribes of the more advanced south, the solid Yoruba town dwellers of the West ern Region and the flamboyant, aggressive Ibo in the rural east, who encountered the civilizing influence of Europe at an early date.

First the Portuguese, then the Dutch, Danes and British moved in to start the scramble for pepper, ivory, palm oil and slaves. It was the British who remained, represented by ship captains, merchants and the "palm-oil ruffians," who trudged upcountry through swarms of mosquitoes, dropping off bags of cowrie shells and cases of cheap gin as payment to local chiefs who agreed to fill metal drums with palm oil and send them floating downstream to the coast. More whites died than lived, and for generations the place was considered uninhabitable for Europeans. The Governor's residence in Lagos, wrote a visitor in 1863, was little more than a "corrugated iron coffin," for at that time the consuls were dying at the rate of one a year.

TV in the Slums. "Our greatest ally was the mosquito, for it kept the white man away," cracks Chief Obafemi Awolowo, Yoruba leader and spokesman for the Western Region in the opposition's front bench in the federal Parliament. Today, only some 14,000 whites live in the entire country, and in such cities as the west's Ibadan (pop. 500,000), with its bright new university just outside the town's sea of tin-roofed shacks, or the north's ancient, fabled Keno (pop. 130,000), a non-Nigerian is seldom seen, although the health perils and discomforts have largely disappeared. In Lagos (pop. 350,000), the federation's coastal capital, even the poor wear bright nylon shirts and drink cold beer at dingy slum dives that boast gleaming refrigerators and blaring radios, while a few miles away, ragged Yoruba villagers live in huts and chop the soil with primitive wooden hoes.

Nigeria is not only the most populous but is on the way to becoming the richest of the new African states. Tarred roads connect all the major towns. Ibadan has the first TV station in Africa; Enugu (pop. 63,000), bustling capital of the Eastern Region, Zik's center of power, will soon inaugurate a TV station of its own, and a new university nearby is ready for students. Revenue from palm oil and kernels, cocoa and peanuts already has boosted exports to $460 million a year; to reduce the overwhelming dependence on agriculture, Sir Abubakar's men hope to develop iron ore, lead and zinc deposits, even talk of building a steel mill to supply West Africa's needs. Oil already pours out of Shell's wells along the Niger River delta, and the flow of Nigerian crude may reach 500,000 bbl. a day by 1970.

Checks & Balances. Unlike the Congo, where no trained specialists of any kind exist, Nigeria starts with 532 practicing doctors, 644 lawyers, 60 graduate engineers, accountants and surveyors, and thousands of Nigerian civil servants who have been on the job for years. Many Britons will remain to help, either on permanent salary status or special contracts. Snags are bound to persist; corruption, for example, is widespread and even semirespectable among Nigerians who for years have been accustomed to giving a "dash" (bribe) in exchange for a favor from tribal chiefs or government officials.

It will be years before tribalism is wiped out. In the midst of the independence gaiety last week, Lagos got grim word that rioting by spear-carrying Tiv tribesmen of the north had led to more than a dozen deaths and scores of injuries. Even in the capital, the regional spirit is far from dead, and much of Zik's loyalty to his eastern Ibos inevitably will remain, just as will Awolowo's to the west, and Abubakar's to the north. But this also has the advantage of discouraging the development of monolithic one-man authoritarianism on the model of Nkrumah's Ghana and Toure's Guinea.

Essentially conservative, Sir Abubakar has little use for men like Ghana's flamboyant Kwame Nkrumah; he has even less for Nkrumah's grandiose hopes of merging many nations into a broad Pan-African association. "You can't expect us to surrender sovereignty we have not yet had time to get used to!" Sir Abubakar laughs, proudly aware that populous Nigeria at the moment of independence automatically became a far greater influence in African affairs than Nkrumah's little Ghana (pop. 5,000,000) can ever hope to be.

Abubakar has developed both prestige and confidence in office, and although he still pays respect to his old boss, the Sardauna, he acts with complete independence on policy matters. Pledged to join no power bloc, Sir Abubakar is clearly antiCommunist, is known to support Dag Hammarskjold's policy in the Congo. Generally, his sympathies lie with Britain and with the U.S., which he visited in 1955 to study the water flow of the Ohio and Mississippi rivers in connection with a planned dam of his own on the Niger. He will make his second U.S. trip this week, leading independent Nigeria's first delegation to the U.N. General Assembly meeting in Manhattan.

On a crumbling continent in desperate need of reason and stability, free Nigeria, whose population includes one of every six humans in Africa, will provide a much-needed counterbalance to chaos.

http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,871686,00.html

Labels: Nigerian Independence, Recommended reading

posted by ijebuman # 11:14 AM (5) comments

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

How do rumours get started..

....Now started by Spam email

Poor Yardy, there just seems to be so many rumours about the guy, the latest one sent from a yahoo email address to media organisations in Nigeria, claims he will resign after a cabinet reshuffle.

This Day Reports:
"Early yesterday, editors thought they had got the story of the year when a "newsflash" was sent to their e-mail addresses from "Newsagency Nigeria", through newsagencynig@yahoo.com, announcing that "President Umaru Musa Yar'Adua may resign after carbinate[sic] reshuffle, on health grounds".

The local and international broadcast media quickly picked up the story and broadcast it to the whole world. In the euphoria, however, little did it cross the mind why the President would resign after "cabinet reshuffle". Would his new appointments be binding on his successor?
[SNIP]
But Channels TV, which initially broadcast the news, was last night shut down by the State Security Service (SSS) over the hoax.

This is the third significant rumour about Yar'Adua since last year - the first being that he had died in Germany during the presidential campaign. Last month, he was rumoured to have died having gone into "coma" after undergoing a "renal transplant".
http://allafrica.com/stories/200809170012.html

Now i don't know about you, but considering the amount of dodgy email i get (penile enlargements (as if), free Ipods/Iphones, Naked pics of Halle Berry (i wish) etc) I treat any information i receive via email with suspicion especially "official" emails originating from any free email service. "Genuine" spammers don't even use Yahoo, Gmail or Hotmail to send spam anymore, they've left them to your average 419er.

But i digress, i would have thought a reputable organisation like Channels TV would at least confirm the story before going to town with it. How could they fall for such a hoax?, do Nigerian leaders ever resign from office?? if anything, the bad spelling should have made them suspicious. God help us all if someone had sent an email that a coup or something more sinister had happened; imagine the panic and confusion they could have caused.

But can we really blame Channels TV, the same news report reveals that the News Agency Of Nigeria uses Gmail addresses to send out news items.

This Day reports:
"Apparently to forestall the use of web-based e-mails addresses to spread rumours in its name, NAN yesterday sent e-mails to media houses to announce the authentic e-mail addresses of the agency.

The mail, signed by Alli Hakeem, Deputy Editor-in-Chief, Abuja Metropolitan Desk, read: "Dear esteemed subscribers, With effect from today, September 16, 2008, the News Agency of Nigeria (NAN) has rested the following e-mail addresses: nanabujahq@gmail.com and nancommunication@gmail.com to send its news items.

NAN will no longer use any yahoo, or gmail, or hotmail.com address from this moment on."
http://allafrica.com/stories/200809170012.html

Good to see that the government's usual "Close the stable door after the horse has bolted" approach to dealing with issues has kicked in...
And if you thought that was the only government organisation that uses free web based email, you should check out the contact page of the Federal Ministry of Finance, one of their contact email addresses is "servicom@yahoo.com".

Meanwhile, isn't it funny the way this government has reverted to the usual tactics of previous administrations (by shutting down Channels TV) i thought Yardy believed in the rule of law?

Labels: comical news stories, rumours, Yar'Adua

posted by ijebuman # 1:07 PM (4) comments