ijebuman's diary

Ok so i took a "short" break from blogging at the end of last year and it turned out to be an extended break : - ). I'm not promising that i'm back to blogging full time but i will try not to stay away for too long. I might have been away from my blog but i still lurk around some of my favourite blogs - chxta, Akin, naijablog, nigerian curiousity et al, kudos to you guys for hanging in there unlike me lol..

I just returned from a trip to Naija (that’s a topic for another blog post), and one of the things i noticed while i was there is how much religion has completely taken hold of our way of life.

It's not even funny anymore, the way things are going in Naija, another couple of decades and our traditional culture and way of life will have been completely swallowed up by the current madness parading itself as "religion". From the resident electoral commissioner in Ekiti state to our Information minister, no Nigerian is immune to this 'madness'.

It has got to the level where people have started changing their traditional names to more "religious friendly names" (e.g Fayemi to Oluwayemi).

Rant over..

Anyway on a lighter note, this dropped into my mail box the other day, enjoy.. (thanks to whoever compiled it)

Top ten Nigerian "Pentecostal" sayings

10. "We must pray and fast" (In Yoruba, "e kun fun aduaa").

Commonly used in times of tribulation such as Police/EFCC cases, looking for a husband or applying for a UK or US visa.

9. "This is my year of breakthrough" A new year's eve special.

The ready-made lazy man's annual prayer whether or not he has put in an honest day's work the year before, and a popular headline at most money spinning end-of-year religious crusades.

8. "I thank God for your life"

Usually an acknowledgement or appreciation of a benefactor but you scratch your head to find a real meaning to this one. People just drop it anyhow, eg. "I saw Pastor Kososhi drive past me in his Hummer yesterday on Allen Avenue", Reply: "Oh, I thank God for his life".

7. "...but he's a Man of God"As in the old 'over-the-hill'

Brother Jero Pastor who doesn't know how to toast women but secretly lusts after your wife/girlfriend in church. These are the "close your eyes, let us pray" guys who's always around to help or advice, waiting and hoping to take advantage of any misfortune to console his way into your woman's life.

6. "J.E.S.U.S."

Now very popular at Christian weddings across Nigeria as the newly-wed couple cut their cake. This has taken over from the evergreen "3,2,1...". Speaking of weddings, some wack MCs now blackmail the wedding guests by saying "If you want to live to see the new year, let me see your hands up", thus punishing them for not laughing at his dry jokes. Fear has become our God.

5. "I bind you..." (AKA "Holy Ghost Fire! Fire!! Fire!!!")

As in, put a curse on you, or threaten you with the wrath of God if you're deemed to be disturbing them for whatever reason. For example, against jobless guys who are proposing marriage, or the Landlord who has come to collect the rent after 8 months!

4. "The Devil is a liar!"

Often used right after surviving a ghastly auto accident, general misfortune, tripping over your children's toys or mistakenly dripping pepper soup on your favourite pink T.M. Lewin shirt!

3. "In the name of Jesus..."

Also abbreviated on Facebook as "IJN" or for maximum effect "in the MIGHTY name of Jesus!". Favourite end-of-sentence soundbite for most Prosperity Pastors on television.

2. "To God be the glory"

The last line of 99.9% of Nollywood films, and fast rising closing remarks at government / corporate seminars (usually just before they share the 'gbemu' in Ghana-must-go bags)

1. "It is well"

Self explanatory enough. Classic soundbite even if it is VERY OBVIOUS that it is not well.

And don't forget "It is not my portion" and "No weapon fashioned against me shall prosper"

Labels: Random Musings, religion

posted by ijebuman # 1:06 PM (12) comments

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Re: Saving Africa's Witch Children

http://www.justgiving.com/witchchildren

http://www.steppingstonesnigeria.org/contactus

The greatest tragedy facing Nigeria today is our indifference to the abuse of the most vulnerable members of our society - children. We can all play our part by supporting Stepping Stones Nigeria 'to carry out enlightenment and advocacy projects throughout the region, so that a long-term solution to the child 'witch' crisis may be found'.

Labels: Outrage, religion, witchcraft

posted by ijebuman # 9:13 PM (28) comments

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

The Evil that Preachers do

The 'Extremely Evil' Helen Ukpabio

In some of the poorest parts of Nigeria, where evangelical religious fervour is combined with a belief in sorcery and black magic, many thousands of children are being blamed for catastrophes, death and famine - and branded witches by powerful pastors. These children are then abandoned, tortured, starved and murdered - all in the name of Jesus Christ.

Influential preachers from the more extreme churches brand the children witches or wizards and exploit their desperate parents by charging them exorbitant amounts of money in return for exorcising the spirits.
The film features extraordinary access to some of the preachers who openly discuss their work. One preacher who calls himself 'The Bishop,' says he has made a fortune by carrying out 'deliverances' on children. He admits having killed 110 people in the past. Dispatches films him as he administers a mixture of pure alcohol, a substance known as 'African mercury' and his own blood to one child accused of witchcraft.

Dispatches
http://www.channel4.com/news/articles/dispatches/saving+africas+witch+children/2780062

Labels: Disgust, Outrage, religion, witchcraft

posted by ijebuman # 10:24 PM (3) comments

Thursday, November 29, 2007

Yawn'Adua

Its been six months since Yardy was sworn in as president and it seems he spends most of his time sleeping in Aso rock. Apart from a few policy reversals and a couple of statements about the rule of law, i can't think of anything else he has done in the past six months.
It seems he prefers to react to events, rather than taking the initiative. Who gives a rat's ass if he obeys court injunctions? (unlike Obj), thats not an achievement, it should be the norm in any true democracy.

It's a typical Nigerian trait to get carried away by the 'populist' actions of a new government. Reversing the policies of a previous government has always been the easiest way to win acceptance in naija. You don't need to formulate policies of your own, just reverse all the decisions of the previous government and everyone will hail you as the best thing to happen to Nigeria.

The true test of Yardy will be when he stops riding on Obj's coattails and formulates his own policies or when he has to deal with a major crises.

The Religion Delusion
I've just finished reading The God Delusion by Richard Dawkins, depending on your views of religion, you'll either love it or hate it. I loved it, so you can pretty much tell what my views are on religion.
Meanwhile, i stumbled on this excellent article on NVS - 'God to His Children: There is No God'
As usual the reaction from the respondents (mostly Nigerian) was not exactly surprising..

Labels: religion, Yar'Adua

posted by ijebuman # 5:53 PM (7) comments

Friday, July 20, 2007

random musings

something to rant about
I hate spam, let me re phrase that, i really really hate spam. My spam filter manages to block most of it, but how do you block spam sent by friends or people in your address book??
I've recently noticed that a lot of people have started sending me religious spam (as far as i'm concerned it's unsolicited, so it'is spam).
You can always tell when my peeps have discovered "religion" especially of the pentecostal kind. They start sending out emails with bible quotations, invites to Pastor Jibiti's weekend of deliverance or forward silly emails about passing this message to 40 other people will bring you luck or prove that 'Jesus is lord' or show that 'Satan is a liar'.

Even on the web, there's no escape for people like me from our current obsession with religion...

angry and sad
that it took so long for our government to react and demand an apology from the spanish ambassador for the death of Osamuyia Aikpitanhi, a 23 year old Nigerian killed by spanish police officers during a forced deportation.
see back story

no wonder the weather is shit
not that i bother with the charts but there's a silly song called 'Umbrella' by Rihanna at number one, the chorus to the song sounds remarkably familiar, sort of like the gibberish my 11 month old son has been saying recently.
but i digress
'Umbrella' has been at number one for 9 weeks, no wonder summer has been a complete washout.

Labels: Random Musings, religion, spam

posted by ijebuman # 2:38 PM (11) comments